I was screaming. The more I screamed. The worse it got. It did not stop.
It never ever did.
And then everything went black.
I woke up in my maggot. In my bed. It was warm inside. I took a breath. Warm air entered my nostrils, disappeared at the back of my throat and rushed into my lungs. Pushing against my ribs, amplifying the pain which had not left me since...
I did not know how this week had passed. I thought it was Thursday. I felt like Wednesday. My calendar said Friday. How did these days pass? I did not want to get out and face this day. A question like 'why' was irrelevant. It was black again. I did not know when I would be in the light again. Maybe sometime in the future, a tiny voice said. Maybe it was better black said another.
Being in the light was too confusing. Sometimes it was too bright and hurt your eyes. There were too many shadows. Always shifting, always confusing. It allowed you to see into the distance and offered too many expectations.
It was better black.
The world was even. The shadows never shifted. Your eyes only saw what you could see. There were no mirages. No horizons in the distance. No false expectations.
The trip outside was a valuable lesson.
I hope I heard learnt it well.
I hurt them too much.
xxx
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